The pretense of love
The pretense of love
If you are anything like me the thought of being in complete and utter infatuation with someone else feels like quite the feat. We see what couples should look like and determine our relationships based on what other people are doing. I like to call this the hook that sinks a generation. Love is defined by the dictionary by three things: an intense feeling of deep affection., and a person or thing that one loves,feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone). In my eyes, there is not a single person on the planet who has not been in love with someone else, or with something else.
I am in love with writing like a lover is with the feel of passion. It addictive like a man sucking in smoke from a cigarette on a chilly night. A love with words will never betray me, never leave me wondering in lust if I am good enough, or if I am failing as a person. Words will never talk me down, or call me what it wants. They will seduce me like a sex kitten playing with a yarn of ball. True love is a passion. You can truly love another human being with the passion that we love music, or writing. It’s not a wasted effort to give time to someone who cares. It’s not like we have forever to live on this earth. Sex is a reproduction part of us. It is not the sense that gives us feeling, nor should we live our life off the pretense that sex is love, or love is sex. Mutually, love is knowing when you look another human being in the eyes that you see the sky of stars in them twinkling for you. It is knowing you are bound by some existence that you can’t place on a map. If you could place it on a map, or in a category it should not be the type of love you strive for believe me.
It is so easy for people to emotionally cheat themselves out of love. I don’t mean to cheat out right on someone as that is far more physically harming than it is mentally. Emotionally cheating yourself out of love is telling yourself lies such as you are not good enough to be loved, or that your body is the only thing people will enjoy. We need to be just as compassionate to ourselves as we are to others. We can’t expect someone to have an understanding of what we love, if we don’t even know what we love ourselves. Cherish each other.
In a world so littered in what other people do we forget what we want. Friends with benefits is a thing because people continue to believe in the false pretense of love that people will fall out of love. No darling...let me tell you something about love. You can’t quite love. You can’t quite writing words on a page because you're angry or you're upset. Those times are the best time to sit yourself down and write or get your thoughts our in a stream of endlessly woven words. The same idea can be held with love. You can’t quite loving another person because you're angry, or you're upset, or they did something that made you mad. If you are in love with the person you just don't understand why you need them.
Another pretense of love that we have is that we can only love one person, and one person only. I am sorry but the human mind is capable loving music, and writing at the same time. It means we can love more than one person or than one object. We limit ourselves daily to the idea that your ideal partner is going to love just you, and only you. This is not so. The ideal partner should be able to love their family, love their job, love their friends, and essentially love you. I don’t believe in the ideal partner but I believe in chemistry.
I’ve loved and still love every person I dated because in one way they have evolved me into a better human being. I can’t just step away from the fire. I love the heat that love gives me. The emotional drive and then the bomb it gives me when the other person stops trying. Maybe, I’m crazy?
I think the fact is we are all striving to be in love. Some people are even so in love with themselves they will take a selfie of themselves at any given second. We strive be in love with the passion of another human being but are so closed off from what we love because of society. Society drills itself with expectations, and problems that make us believe this should be what love is. We see people getting married while others are betting on the marriage to fail because people get too lazy to make things work out. We see people in relationships catching each other cheating on social media, and then wonder why they have a Facebook. We need to stop deceiving ourselves about the value of love.
I can’t explain why I write, or the way my mind just wanders. All I know is writing is one of the few most blissful things I do in my life. My words can extend forever if I want them to. What I mean is love is not something we can put a value on, or explain. It just kind of happens in the moment when you wake up next to someone just to hear them breath. You can’t help to smile because no matter your quarrels with this person it makes you have a flutter in your tummy. This same feeling can be with a friend...actually it should be your best friend you feel this way about. Even if you had to share the person would you feel any less butterfly like when you wake up to them? No. The thing is people expect the other person to love them just as much. It is never the case. Let me tell you, love is not just a one way road but it is not a road people walk willingly. We are strung on by our heart without understanding why.
I live my life with my heart on my sleeve. I can’t hide my feelings, or my emotions. I am attracted to people who make me wonder about life. I am in love with writing, and people. I wonder have you ever thought about the many definitions of love, or what it means to you? Just love a little more, cry a little more, and remember you don't need to have Mr. Perfect. You can love your friends, you can love your family, and you can love your lover without fail. The only time you emotionally cheat yourself is when you decide you don't want love, or to feel cared about. Smile a little more through your tears. Push a little harder. These are the same methods writers use when a story doesn't speak to us.