The Diamond in the rut
My childhood was rough. I’ll admit some of the stories I have are better left unsaid while others hold so much meaning for the world. I was not your average child in any way. I do not mean that I was born with a disability but I mine as well have been due to my eyes. I was born with two lazy eyes which meant that looking into the eyes of a person was near impossible, and a luxury I wasn’t allowed. My mother did not have these eyes fixed because she believes in the power of choice. ( which I love her for) These eyes were cause for teasing from being called fish girl, for eyes, owl head, and so much more. The only people who teased me were those insecure about themselves. I wasn’t insecure about my eyes but I knew most men wouldn’t even look my way because of it. ( Though I do thank the few guys I dated before I got the eyes fixed. They loved me with my huge physical imperfection.)
I think growing up and being teased made me more respectful of the friends I do have. I mean the people who teased me were teasing other kids too, and I hated bullying. I still do hate bullying. This is why I try not to draw too much attention to me because I know if I do most people will resort to bullying. I have changed my eyes to look more normal now, but that doesn't mean that my respect went away. I will always accept people for who they are. This experience in life even as a child made me respect my friends, and the people I do talk to.
In growth comes knowledge. Here is a funny story for everyone. I was once pelted with an ice snowball that it caused my nose to bleed. My older brother who saw this ran over the guy who hit me and broke his thumb over the back of the guy's head. Let's just say, I was never picked on by him ever again. During this time, we also had mice, and the mice kept escaping from their cage. So, we had to let them go. ( I also owned bunnies during this period because they were with my father they died. Hung themselves.) I think this made me sad for a little while. But funny enough, my friend was feeding them while I was away, but he still couldn't save them.
Another story I have is that I was once blamed for causing a forest fire. When the reality was that it was one girl, and I got scared and ran. My mom legit punished me for six months. So, I learned fire is not a play toy, and don't run when you did nothing wrong from cops. Maybe, I grew up way too quick, or maybe I am more aware of the world because of my past.
I could go on about the effect that the eyes had on me during childhood, or the effect bullying had on me but I’d rather discuss a more modern topic occurring in the world today that I was indirectly involved in seeing. My very first love in life was a boy named tom. I love him from the age of five to like forever. ( I swear. You don’t know true love till you’ve seen what I have.) Tom was my friend. We would play outside throwing sticks, football, going swimming, rock climbing, and being rascals to our parents. His friends became my friends, and his family became my secondary family. His mom always cut his hair, and my mom use to call him Harry Potter. However, Tom never liked short hair. I never met any of his early girlfriends because most of them were from an online game called WoW. I played video games with him but never touched WoW because I felt that it was his sacred place. A place for him to escape the rough life that we had.
No matter how many times his mom cut his hair he always complained. When we roleplayed as characters from video games he was always a girl as well. Eventually, we formed our own characters during our escapades. ( This was how I formed the name Ristina for one of my stories.) Alas, we continued these escapades till our late teens. We became distant to one another because of life. I moved, made friends in highschool, and did not have much time to speak with him.
Then one day, he came over to show me his new ID. His name was no longer tom. It was melissa. I think this was the first time I realized that my childhood love wasn’t just one of those invaluable crushes that goes away. It was the first moment that I learned that true love is about acceptance. I realize this person would no longer be a man. I accept this but don’t love the person any less. They are still my family in a sense. I think this made me realize that I don’t crush but I love without limit. I don’t believe in loving one person, and only one person. I believe it's possible to stay loyal, committed, and honest with someone you love but that doesn’t mean you have to wipe all your love for your friends or family out of the way.
I think the impact that my more darker childhood had on me from witnessing abuse, and a man addicted to porn to the point our family suffered made me realize that life is not all sweet in the early ages. I always put others before me because I know...life is rough. Why be selfish with so little time we have on this earth?
Thank you for reading this. Again, I would love to hear comments about your childhood, or just a like is fine. 🙂 Thank you .